I’ve heard it said that the older you get, the harder it is to make real friends. And that we also grow less tolerant of the patience you need to get to know people. Non-friend hobbies become relatively more attractive. We prefer a night on the sofa with a good book. As a friend of mine, Ulrich, reminded me recently in a blogpost, school days really were remarkable – seeing the same group of people Monday-Friday for years on end. People perhaps knew you better then than anyone does now. You didn’t have to find time to see your friends – you were together for hours every single day. You can’t beat that sort of interaction. But know we all live in separate houses and lives, probably for the worse.

Moving to Freetown I can definitely feel a hesitancy about forming new friendships. I’m putting my efforts into setting up life and routines, and then hopefully friendships will follow. It’s true that this is not like the summer in Bangui – this is not a temporary posting where I just need to work hard and it will soon be over. This will be home for several years of my life. But having good friends elsewhere means there’s less pressure. And I also want to find the right people – I don’t fit in perfectly with the ex-pat crowd, though I do find time with them stimulating. But sometimes the know-it-all liberalism is a bit too much. But with West Africans there can be a barrier as well – such different life experiences and priorities.

I know there are people I’ll fit in with well who are just waiting to be discovered. I get on well with most people, and friendships will develop. However, when my family arrive I won’t have so much time for outside friends, so I don’t want to develop friendships now that then aren’t sustainable later. But tonight I have my first invite out to a colleague’s house for pizza and table tennis, and I’m very much looking forward to it.