Archives de catégorie : Lifestyle

Notes on return from paternity leave

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The road to and from the office in Freetown is not generally an enjoyable ride. At night as you lurch up the narrow twisty lane, unlit by street maps, it seems to go on incessantly. You go home in first or second gear, mainly because of the pot holes. There’s no pavement for those walking and the motorbike taxis (Okadas) overtake on all sides. In my old car, I’m also nervous of stalling and being unable to restart. There is almost always some sort of accident on each journey. Today I observed a beautiful new Ford 4×4 driven by some Chinese go through a roundabout in front of me. Three minutes later, I saw a huge truck crawling uphill that scrapped down the side of the said car and took off the rear body panel. This morning – after the President announced bars and clubs could reopen – I saw some horrendous car crash remains on my early cycle around town.

It’s a far cry from the last five weeks – driving a new modern car on modern roads. What a different driving experience: everything so ordered and smooth. Last night a friend was telling me about running over a person’s toes while driving through the crowded market. The poor man was in serious pain, but you pity the driver as well. You do well to avoid the mob mentality in these sorts of situations. It makes me nervous driving.
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« In these holidays I got to taste experiences I hadn’t had for nearly a decade: filing my own car with petrol, packing my groceries at the supermarket and cleaning my house. »

I was thinking of writing a social media post that way but thought it a bit risqué. But it is actually the truth. From Brazzaville to Dubai and everywhere in between someone has packed my bags at the supermarket, cleaned my house and clothes, and filled my car with fuel (when I had one). It honestly felt weird at the supermarket – no sooner have you unloaded the trolley than you realise that your stuff is just accumulating at the other side of the conveyor belt and the cashier isn’t able to process any more items. For a moment you think ‘hang on, doesn’t someone normally do something with my stuff?’ and then you realise ‘oh yeah, that’s my job’. You have to rush past the till and then try and find something to put your stuff in. I won’t complain about paying ny card though. There is a modern convenience I miss in West Africa.
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The holidays were above all about spending time as a family with my now 8-month-old girl. It sounds like a truism but it was magical.

This week, back in the gym in Freetown, they were showing pictures on the television of Bournemouth getting promoted to the Premier League. There was a shot of one of the players celebrating with his young daughter on his shoulders and although I’ve seen such things before, I was really struck by the power of the moment. I thought, ‘Wow. Imagine having your child on your shoulders in the middle of a cheering stadium. What an incredible experience. That would outweigh any silverware for me.’ I guess fatherhood changes you.

It’s quite remarkable having a little baby sleeping beside you (in between you and Mum). You hear plenty of parents say that the worst mistake they ever made was letting the baby sleep in the same bed as them because it’s so difficult to correct. Maybe I’ll be saying that too before too long. But I’ve never heard people state the other side of the coin – you have this amazing little angel sleeping beside you – I often just watched doe-eyed. It’s one of the most beautiful things in the world. And in the morning when they wake up, they give you a few kicks and when you open your eyes, they are incredibly happy.

Investing in the future

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I recently enjoyed listening to a podcast by Todd Henry on Accidental Creative, in which he went through three bits of advice he would give his 22 year old self. Go ahead and read the post, but they boil down to:

1. Know what long-term goal you’re working towards

2. Define what success for you would be

3. Go to school every day (i.e. keep learning)

I thought that was pretty good, and I’ve been reflecting this weekend on how I use my spare time, given that the Ebola emergency is dying down and I actually have my weekends back. I don’t really have much in the question of responsibilities (my family isn’t living with me) or chores (I have someone who comes and cleans the house and washes my clothes, and someone else who repairs my car when it breaks down, which it frequently does). I’m pretty conscious about working out my long-term goals, I think I need to be better about imagining what success looks like, and I think I do reasonably well at being in school, though I need more practical exercises.

This weekend I spent several hours going through a couple of long IMF reports and writing a blog post about the figures (aside from reading Ivorian blogs and newspapers). Why did I do all that? I don’t live in Ivory Coast and it has nothing to do with my work. It’s reasonably enjoyable but I could think of more fun stuff to do. So why do I do it?

I think the answer is that one of the things I’ve identified as important to me in my future is Ivory Coast. And so, I’m investing almost every day in keeping up to speed with developments, making connections with new people in Abidjan through social networks, and keeping in touch with old friends. I could potentially drop all that and have more time for fun things in Sierra Leone (like going to the beach). But the person I want to be in 15 years time, needs to have these years of investing in my Ivory Coast ‘portfolio’. And one day, I’ll get a job back in Abidjan, and it’ll all be worth it.

But sometimes you need to live in the present. So, enjoy the evening. I’m off to play my first ever game of water polo…

Fighting pirates

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In the Spring of 2002, I spent three months in Grenoble, France, trying to learn French through immersion. I didn’t make much progress (but I did read War and Peace). I have a memory of one evening when my Swedish and German student housemates invited me out to a friend’s house to watch a movie. That sounded like a great idea, and we walked over there. When we got there, the friend had a large collection of films downloaded on to a hard drive, though I immediately realised they were all illegal copies. Having something of a sensitive conscience, I made my excuses and said I didn’t feel comfortable with watching the films, so I would head back home. I honestly didn’t regret coming, it had been nice to see them, and it had been a good evening, so they shouldn’t feel bad about me leaving. I’m not sure if I succeeded.

I thought about that experience recently when I was reflecting on whether I’ve become softer on such issues. I have watched at least two pirated films since that time (and I grew up playing pirated computer games). But still, I’m pretty much the same person and I still struggle with these issues (not what is right and wrong, but the social awkwardness of expressing your views on such matters). As far as I can tell, I’m not judgemental about such things and I desperately don’t want to offend (one of my weaknesses) or sound superior, but I also don’t want to do things I’m not comfortable with. This leads to all sorts of funny work arounds which generally just leave me looking odd. A recent housemate said he had some great films on a USB stick and gave it to me to copy. Did I a) tell him ‘No I feel it’s wrong’ or b) copy the films and watch them, or c) copy the films, then immediately delete them, and make excuses when he asked me if I’d watched them. Of course the latter. For a recent tv series that we’d watched together he told me I could get the next series from a colleague at work. He kept asking me if I’d got them, and I said I hadn’t. I then bought the series on iTunes and watched them on my Mac. He didn’t really understand why I’d done this, and I just found it too awkward to explain.

It’s probably pretty obvious that I’m a very un-confrontational guy who doesn’t want to make others feel bad. That is a definite weakness, but something I struggle to fix. I prefer to look inexplicably weird than to seem judgmental.

At the end of the day though, I do think this issue is something of a blind spot in the circles I move in. Last summer I was shocked when an Ivorian aid worker friend returned from a trip back home with several new CDs, all of them pirated. Legal CDs with the Burida sticker on them only cost $6-$8 in Abidjan, hardly something that breaks the bank for an international aid worker. Last week in Abidjan, there was an outcry when the Independent Electoral Commission used someone’s Facebook photo on a billboard ad for voter registration without their permission. It was pretty outrageous, but then some of the same people will watch pirated US tv shows and not see that there’s a least some similar issues at play.

Leaving Abidjan again

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This morning, for the umpteenth time in the past 12 months I boarded a flight to leave Ivory Coast. In a week interacting with friends and acquaintances in Abidjan, I realised many haven’t worked out that I no longer live in the city, leaving as I did at the end of 2012, which of course isn’t so long ago. There was a mega-concert by the Belgian artist, Stromae, on Saturday night, a TedX Abidjan event this afternoon (which by accounts on social media seems to have been quite special), and then this next week there will be the annual meetings of the African Development Bank. In short, it looks like exciting times, while I’m missing out on the lot.

Today, it was interesting in this mood to be continuing my reading of Metaxas’ Bonhoeffer biography, and in particular the part where he left a Germany on the verge of World War 2, for the safety of an arranging lectureship in the USA. Almost as soon as he arrived in New York, he realised it had been the wrong move, and that his destiny (life mission) lay back in Germany, despite the very real risks to his life (which proved to be real).

For the pastor Bonhoeffer, at a moment of world historical importance, this was the voice of God calling him back to his mission. I wouldn’t see my situation quite so dramatically, but it’s interesting to compare that feeling of being in the wrong place, and being out of line with a mission. Bonhoeffer’s short second trip to the US was useful in helping to clarify his thinking on his personal mission, and also the global church. And, for me, being away from Abidjan, is part of a process of growing, while seeking to still stay engaged. I think the tricky bit is that latter half – of growing and becoming stronger while not disengaging/losing touch of the movement.

Exercise and tiredness

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Looking back on the past seven days I’ve been to the gym twice, jogging three times, swimming once, circuit exercises three times, cycling once, and push ups before bed. It’s possibly a bit too much, though I do enjoy getting out, and much of this is now habit/routine. One worrying thing though is that my jogging performance, particularly at weekends when I try to go a bit farther, is seemingly getting worst. The fact is that I keep stopping for walks.

This is worrying, and I’m trying to work out the issue. It could point to an underlying injury, illness or exhaustion, but I don’t think that’s the case. I get inordinate amounts of sleep, don’t feel twinges, and don’t feel that tired once I’ve immediately recovered from the sport.

It could be that I’m too heavy – that probably is true, though I’m not really much heavier than when I arrived or when I ran the marathon.

I put more store by the fact that it’s incredibly humid at the moment. I come back from runs totally soaked. So even when I walk for sections, I feel like I’ve had a good work out when I get back. My running performance has always felt poor back in Abidjan, where humidity is even higher, while in England I often feel comfortable going for miles because of the cool weather which means you’re sometimes not even sweating.

A fourth possibility though, and the one that worries me the most, is that I’m losing a mental game, and giving up, creating neural pathways to stop running whenever I feel like it, because I’ve done this before. Have I just made it acceptable to give up?

In six months I plan to run a triathlon. I tell myself that’s the last great sporting thing I’ll ever do, so maybe after I’ll really reign the exercise in.

King Leopold’s Ghost

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Last week I finally finished Adam Hochschild’s King Leopold’s Ghost, a book that was a must-read when I first flew to Congo in 2005, but which I’ve only recently got around to reading. The remarkable book highlights the outrageous tyranny of King Leopold’s regime in what is now the DR Congo, and the utter savagery of the colonial project there. We forget these things far too easily.

An encouraging part of the book was the role played by Anglo-Saxon Evangelical missionaries in denouncing the abuses, something that is well stated in the main text, while in the end notes the author says that with hindsight he should have given even more prominence to the subject. It’s fair to say that in the secular circles I move in you hear a lot of negative criticism of these sorts of people, and many of the churches here are indeed appalling. But good to know that people of good character were part of the story as well.

Aid workers

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There’s a lot of critical stuff that is written about the international aid worker scene, a group of people I guess I have joined lately. Some of that is justified. But to focus on their merits, they are often an interesting bunch of people inhabiting a very odd globalized world. The norm is that your partner comes from a completely different country, and they live in a third country as well. This month I spent time with a Brit working in Sierra Leone who calls home a place she rents not far from Mexico city. While in Dakar a couple of weeks back I spent a very pleasant evening with a Quebecois working in Senegal who lives in Buenos Aires.

They are more familiar with the good places to eat in Kathmandu or Kinshasa than in the capital city of their country at birth, and they generally can link themselves to any other aid worker in any other part of the world through a mutual intermediary: ‘Oh you worked in Haiti? You must know X, who I worked with in Goma’ etc. In some ways, they often resemble their poorer, younger cousin, the ‘backpacker’, but with the years they are keener to look out for safer, family friendly places, and often need to put down roots somewhere, whether it’s buying a place in Latin America, or a coastal cottage in Vietnam, while they continue to make a living in the latest L3 humanitarian emergency.

Saturdays

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Saturdays are strange affairs in Freetown. For a start, most of them are spent in the office, though it’s an enjoyable and relaxing time and I’d say only close to 50% of the time spent on my day job. There’s something about being in your office in a T-shirt which already puts you in a different mood.

Things start with social media, and then quickly move on to my RSS reader (Feedly). If I’ve missed a weekend through travel, then it can take several hours to read through 250+ blog posts, and even that’s going fast. I then head to the Saved folder where I’m trying to gradually clear back all the posts I’ve saved for reading later.

Then it’s email, small jobs, writing to friends, bits of admin (including today an hour or so spent cancelled my credit card because some fraudster is buying expensive wood flooring and EasyJet tickets with it in the UK).

On the one hand, maybe I’m wasting my time when I should be out and about, especially considering I live minutes away from some of the world’s finest tropical beaches. But another part of me says that at least while my family aren’t here, I’m keeping on top of things, investing in learning about hobbies like photography, keeping across events in Abidjan, and doing a bit of extra regular work in what is still classed as a global humanitarian emergency.

They were fumigating the office this morning, so I did at least delay my arrival, which gave me time to head out on my new mountain bike. It’s been a while since I rode so I was a little unsteady and in a minor incident ended up with some cuts.

If I had all the free time in the world

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I don’t want to be one of these people who says ‘When I retire, that’s when I’ll live!’ The fact of the matter is that I greatly enjoy my life at the moment, aside from the temporary inconvenience of being separated from my family. I actually really enjoy my job and going into the office (which is why I do it pretty much seven days a week). But still I sometimes wonder what I would really like to do if life was just free time. I do still hope though that in a loose definition of ‘work’, work continues to long be a part of my life.

But if life was all free-time, here are a few things I’d like to be doing:
– Teaching others
– Spending time with the family
– Attending interesting events around the world; FESPACO, Word Alive, Sundance, music festivals, fashion/art events are some that spring to mind
– Photography – setting up a photo studio
– Produce interesting videos
– Writing including journalism
– Supporting the church
– Further study, or at least spending times in places like Oxford where there are always interesting lectures and events
– Sport
– Cooking (why not?)

Ah, to be middle aged again

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We’re told that life is for the young, that youth is everything and that after that it’s downhill.

For me, that really doesn’t seem to fit. Yes, I enjoyed my earlier years, but I’m enjoying my current ones as well. Life was more contingent in those days, and frankly that was a bad thing. There was a lot of doubt about whether things would work out in a variety of areas.

– What job would I do in life? Would it be in an exciting and interesting part of the world? Would I enjoy going to work on a Monday morning?
– Would I ever find someone to marry – would they be beautiful and with great character, and would we still be deeply in love years after our wedding day?
– Would I still have my Christian faith or would I have given up?
– Would I still have my student debt and little in the bank?
– Would I still have my health, and be active?
– Would I be a father?
– Would I own my own home?

The answer to all those questions is that things worked out really well (atheist readers might disagree, lol). If life is a roll of the dice, then from my position it looks like one die after another has come out at a high number. That’s not to be self-satisfied, and certainly not to think ‘that must be because I’m great’, but I’ve a huge amount to be thankful for. From the perspective of life here on earth, things didn’t seem a forgone conclusion. Doing a history degree, doesn’t seem like a sensible career choice. My first 28 years of life didn’t really set-up the promise that dating would actually lead anywhere. Yes temporarily life can be pretty dull away from the family, but that’s a short blip soon to be resolved, let’s hope.